


north sea (of my mind)

by milkisande



Series: rise like the sun [3]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018) Season 5 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:42:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24231541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkisande/pseuds/milkisande
Summary: Mermista feels more than she lets on.
Relationships: Mermista/Sea Hawk (She-Ra)
Series: rise like the sun [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746601
Comments: 21
Kudos: 141





	north sea (of my mind)

**Author's Note:**

> this is the third in a series of short fics im planning to do about she-ra post-canon — following the events of season 5.
> 
>  **my tellonym:** milkisande

**.**

**north sea (of my mind)**

_let's call me a baptist,  
call this a drowning of the past._

**.**

**.**

**.**

**THE boat ride back to Salineas was uncharacteristically quiet.**

Mermista sighed, walking out onto the main deck. It was deep into the night, much too late— _or early?_ —for anyone to actually be up, but the princess was unable to sleep; spending hours tossing and turning over her bed before deciding that it just _wasn't_ going to happen.

" _Ugh."_ She groaned, a blast of cold air hitting her face as she got to the ship's bow. Waves crashed against the vessel beneath her feet, finally only quieting down as she willed it to.

She _was_ a princess of the water, after all.

The ocean listened to her.

Sometimes, she wished it didn't.

Mermista winced, a hand unconsciously making its way to touch the back of her neck, a patch of skin where she had gotten chipped during the battle against Horde Prime.

The chip was gone now, of course, but the feeling of discomfort and pain still made itself known to her every now and then.

Mermista still couldn't quite believe it.

How she had gotten chipped so easily, she hated— she should have been more _careful_ , more aware of the fact that they were on a mission, rather than on some joyride or wacky adventure with her friends. Mermista let herself loosen up and feel too comfortable, too _safe_ ; even if they were in the middle of a war.

And look what had happened.

Because of her carelessness, she did the one thing that she never wanted to do: use her power against innocent civilians. Against her people. Against her friends.

Against all the people she loved and cared about.

Sometimes, those moments came to her dreams _(in nightmares)_. She would see flashes of her friends' horrified faces: their desperate and pleading expressions, the pain and horror that they felt as Mermista sent another wave of water crashing down upon them.

It didn't quite _feel_ like her.

She didn't really know how to describe it; similar to an out-of-body experience, watching herself damage and hurt the people she treasured more than anything in the world (not that she'd ever admit it, though).

It always left her heart thumping; pulse racing so quickly that Mermista decided it would be better to stay awake rather than sleep at all.

So she was not only miserable, but exhausted, too.

 _Great_.

Tiredly, she looked forward.

The ocean seemed to expand for miles; an eternal waterscape that called out to her— her home, her domain, her source of power.

_A flash of her using a nearby river to wipe away one of the towns she had saved only a few months prior._

She turned away.

"What are you doing up, dearest?"

Mermista didn't even need to look at the voice to know who was speaking. She simply sighed, already knowing how draining this conversation would become. " _Ugh._ None of your business. Go away."

Apparently, _"go away"_ meant _"come here next to me and continue talking"_ , as far as he was concerned.

Sea Hawk walked next to her, that ever-so-annoying smile on his face. "I couldn't sleep," he only continued. "Can you believe we're going back to _Salineas_? It's been much too long!"

She sighed. _Of course he wouldn't leave her in peace, would he?_

"We've been occupied, after all." She winced. "And it's been under the Horde's control all this time."

Mermista wasn't the type to show emotion, but she definitely was more than upset over losing her kingdom; the one that she had worked so hard to protect (the ice cream _did_ help, but really only at the surface level). She hated not being there when it was conquered, but knew that the bigger fight needed to be addressed.

As much as she hated it, her kingdom came second.

Helping She-Ra and ending the war against the Horde came first.

And finally, they did it. They _won_.

Horde Prime was defeated, and she could finally return to her kingdom to restore the damage that was done to it. She was _finally_ going home.

Until now, it still brought her mixed feelings.

"It wasn't your fault, you know?"

Mermista turned to him.

"Salineas, I mean. There was nothing we could do." He coughed, continuing.

"I know." She simply replied, turning back to look at the sea. "It's whatever, I mean, we won, anyway."

From the corner of her eye, she saw Sea Hawk shake his head. "You don't have to act when it's me, dearest." He replied. "I know how much Salineas means to you."

The weight that those words carried hung in the air.

Mermista had tried so hard to keep it hidden; keep the anger and fear of losing her home from escaping her mouth. She knew back then that there were bigger and more important things to be worried about. There was no time to be concerned.

For the longest time, her only comfort was knowing that her people had been saved; that they were successfully evacuated and taken care of— Sea Hawk had guaranteed that, something she was eternally grateful for.

He was always a pain to deal with, but the appreciation and care she had for the strange captain ran deep into her veins (though she _did_ make a conscious effort not to say it out loud— knowing all too well how he'd react in his overdramatic Sea Hawk fashion).

In any case, she was sure that he knew how she felt, even if they were never spoken outright.

After all, Sea Hawk was the only person she let herself get vulnerable around (though those moments were quite rare in themselves). He was, and she'd literally _die_ if anyone found out, the person she trusted the most in Etheria— even out of it, really.

Mermista inhaled, breathing in the ocean air.

"I don't understand how they're okay with it." She finally stated, voice clear, but somewhat unsteady. "I know they turned good and are on our side now or something, but I just _don't get it_."

She turned back to him, eyes reflecting simmering anger. "How could they just _forget_ everything that they put us through?!"

The waves crashed intensely into the ship, causing it to rock backward violently.

Mermista felt the rage and resentment bottled up inside her begin to overflow. Her mind raced back to the aftermath of Horde Prime's defeat, euphoric and triumphant; as two all-too-familiar figures entered her vision.

Catra and Hordak, both happily interacting with her friends as if everything was right in the world.

_Had she missed a message? Was she not left the memo that they were all okay now?_

Her fists clenched.

All she could remember was Catra sending out the order to destroy Salineas, and Hordak victoriously standing over her burning kingdom.

The fact that they were happy— _celebrating_ with them, sent her into a frenzy.

Mermista knew that they had turned over to their side; that without their help, maybe they wouldn't have won the battle. But seeing them laughing and joyful made her stomach churn, doing flips that made her want to vomit.

When they explained, however, she said what she always did.

" _Whatever."_

Whatever, that they weren't major players in the other side of the war.

Whatever, that they weren't the cause of so much loss of life and destruction.

Whatever, that they didn't take the kingdom that she spent her life trying to protect.

_**Whatever.** _

Mermista looked downward, the ocean roaring as the waves crashed angrily into one another. The sounds were deafening.

Sea Hawk felt himself get thrown back, holding onto the railings with determined intensity. He looked up at her, eyes filled with sympathy and kindness— _love_.

He wrapped his arms around her.

Another strong crash onto the boat.

Then, quiet.

"It's not okay." He finally said. "And you can be as angry as you want. Nobody's going to blame you for how you feel." Then he paused, as if thinking. "But you shouldn't be so closed to the possibility that people can be better, and that they can change."

"So I'm just supposed to accept them like that?"

"No," Sea Hawk responded. "But I think you should at least give them a chance. They might surprise you."

"And if they don't?"

The captain smiled. "Then I'll be right by your side to set fire to their ships."

"They don't have ships."

"But they _do_ have places where they stay, at the very least."

.

.

Once they arrived at Salineas, Mermista was surprised to find the restoration efforts already well on its way.

She stepped off the boat, only to be greeted by Adora... and a nervous figure behind her.

— _Catra_.

Mermista felt her fists clench as the girl walked forward.

Only for the intruder to immediately bow down. "I'm sorry." Catra began, hands shaking. "I was the one who told the Horde to take over your home. And I— I _know_ that this can't even begin as an apology, but I asked Adora to bring me here so I could help rebuild what I've destroyed; so I could at least start on facing my mistakes and the people I've wronged and I… I know how selfish this may seem, but I _hope_ you'd allow me to be better.. _._ "

The princess could only face her in disbelief.

From the corner of her eye, she saw Sea Hawk offer an obscure thumbs up.

Her fists unclenched.

She looked at Catra, before immediately looking away.

"Do what you want."

And that was only a few seconds before Sea Hawk ran up to them, including Adora, for a group hug, singing:

" _ **Oooh, it's fun to be friends with friends!"**_

Against herself, Mermista found a smile form on her face.

" _Whatever."_

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Author's Note:**

> if there was one thing i was upset about in she-ra, it'd definitely about mermista's lack of character development:( this started from season 4 when she basically just ate ice cream when her kingdom was taken, n emphasized when she didnt end up getting to face catra about it. i mean dont get me wrong i LOVE her character but !! i just feel like we were robbed to see her deeper emotions n see her as a more complex character outside of just being so cool about everything? idk mayb that's just me havksj
> 
> also only added catra at the end bc i believe in her trying to be better. hordak,,, im still torn so-- that's that lmao . if i got any information wrong feel free to fite me in the comments i love interacting with readers ty!<3
> 
> _thank you for reading! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～♡_


End file.
